Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
