like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna fight the coyote