she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.