i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.