She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now