I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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