So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just tell him i said nine months
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
