Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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