i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have feelings that need drinking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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