My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize