I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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