GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
