Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
