Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
