I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
