Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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