never play flip cup with pint glasses
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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