Jerry, you need to find god
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
