some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
