This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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