do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
