I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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