People in love make me want to vomit
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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