You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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