I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
