A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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