Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
