Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
