toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just google imaged poop.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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