Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
