I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am naked and annoyed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
