I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Houston, we have a squirter
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
