he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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