at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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