? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
