What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
