I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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