i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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