So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
