I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
