i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
