pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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