At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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