I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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