So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
