I accidentally had phone sex last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
