the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
