I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
