YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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