I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
