She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize