I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize