The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
