Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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