so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
