What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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