i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
