he shaved USA in his pubs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
