is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
