i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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