I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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