Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
