i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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