i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
