Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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